Take Me For Who I Am
by verdadero'amor
Summary: What would have happened if Zoey had never slept with Loren? Would she and Erik have carried on dating and fallen deeply in love? What about Stark? Would she have fallen for him too or would he just be another new guy? Set at the end of Chosen.
1. TMFWIA1 Mistakes And Lies

Disclaimer; I am very very very sad to say this but Lidee does not own the House of Night series. _The Cast's_.

_Maybe I know, somewhere  
Deep in my soul  
That love never lasts  
And we've got to find other ways  
To make it alone  
Keep a straight face_

**-The Only Exception, Paramore**

**Take Me For Who I Am - Chapter 1**

_**Zoey's POV**_

Unlike when Stevie Rae had been dying, I didn't have even an instant of numbness or hesitation.

"No!" I screamed, running over to Erik and falling to my knees beside him. He was on his hands and knees, groaning in pain, with his head almost touching the floor. I couldn't see his face, but I could see that sweat – or maybe even blood, though I didn't smell it yet – was already soaking his shirt. I knew what would follow: Blood would gush from his eyes, nose, mouth, and he would literally drown in his own fluids. And, yes, it would be as horrible as it sounded. Nothing could stop it. Nothing could change it. All I could do was be there for him and hope that somehow he became like Stevie Rae and managed to retain some kind of hold on his humanity.

I put my hand on his trembling shoulder. Heat radiated through his shirt, as if his body was burning from the inside. I looked around frantically for help. As always, Damien was there when I needed him.

"Get towels and Neferet," I said. Damien took off with Jack on his heels.

I turned back to Erik, but before I could pull him into my arms, Aphrodite's voice cut through the noise of his moans and the sounds of the frightened, watching crowd of kids.

"Zoey, he's not dying." I looked up at her, not really getting what she was saying. She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Erik. I started to struggle, but her next words got through to me and made me freeze.

"Listen to me! He's not dying. He's changing."

Suddenly Erik screamed, his body curling in on itself as if something inside his chest was trying to claw its way free. His hands were pressed against his face. He was still trembling violently. Clearly, he was in pain and something big was happening to him. But there was absolutely no blood.

Aphrodite was right. Erik was changing into an adult vampire.

Jack rushed up to me and thrust several towels into my hands. I looked up at him. The kid was bawling so hard he was snotting on himself. I stood up and hugged him.

"He's not dying. He's changing." My voice sounded weird – hoarse and strained – as I repeated Aphrodite's words.

Then Neferet burst into the room with Damien and several of the warriors following close behind her. She ran over to Erik. I watched her face closely, and felt a dizzying rush of relief as her tense, worried expression changed instantly to one of joy. Neferet dropped gracefully to the floor beside him. Murmuring something so softly that I couldn't catch the words, she gently touched his shoulder. His body jerked violently once, and then he began to relax. His awful trembling stopped, and so did his scary, painful moaning. Slowly, Erik's body unwrapped from around itself and he pulled himself to his hands and knees. His head was still bent down toward the floor, so I couldn't see his face.

Neferet whispered something else to him and he nodded in response. Then she stood and turned to us. Her smile was amazing, completely filled with joy and almost blindingly beautiful.

"Rejoice fledglings! Erik Night has completed the change. Arise, Erik, and follow me for your purification ritual and the beginning of your new life!"

Erik stood up and raised his head. I gasped along with everyone else. His face was luminous. It seemed someone had turned a switch on inside of him. He'd been handsome before, but now everything was intensified. His eyes were bluer, his thick hair was wild and black and dangerous, he even appeared taller. And his Mark had been completed. The sapphire crescent was filled in. And framing his eyes, along his brows and over his well-defined cheekbones, was a stunning pattern of interlocking knots that formed the shape of a mask, reminding me instantly of Professor Nolan's beautiful mark. I felt dizzy with the rightness of it.

Erik's gaze touched mine for a moment. His full lips tilted up and he smiled a special smile just for me. I thought my heart would burst. Then he raised his arms over his head and cried out in a voice filled with power and pure joy, "I've changed!"

All the kids started to cheer, though no one except Neferet and the vamps actually approached him. Then he left the rec hall with them on a tide of excitement and noise.

I just stood there. I felt numb and shocked and more than a little sick.

"They'll take him to be anointed into the service of the Goddess," Aphrodite said. She was still standing beside me and her voice sounded as bleak as I suddenly felt.

"Fledglings don't know exactly what happens during the anointing. It's a big vamp secret, and they're not allowed to tell." She shrugged, "Whatever. Guess we'll find out some day."

"Or we die," I said through numb lips.

"Or we die," She agreed. Then she looked at me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," I said automatically.

"Hey, Z! Was that cool or what?" Jack said.

"Man, it was incredible. I'm still reeling!" Damien fanned himself and his large vocabulary.

"Oh, baby! Now Erik Night joins the other vamp hotties like Brandon Routh, Josh Hartnett, and Jake Gyllenhaal."

"And Loren Blake, Twin. Do not leave his hottiness out," Erin said.

"Wouldn't think of it, Twin," Shaunee said.

"It is totally cool that Z's boyfriend is a vamp. I mean, a real one," Jack said.

Damien took a deep breath to say something and then shut his mouth and looked uncomfortable.

"What?" I said.

"Well, it's just that...uh...well..." He hesitated.

"God, what is it? Just spit it out!" I snapped.

He flinched at my tone, making me feel like a jerk, but answered me.

"Well, I don't know much about it, but once a fledgling goes through the change he leaves the House of Night and starts his life as a full-grown vampire."

"Zoey's boyfriend is gonna leave?" Jack said.

"Long-distance relationship, Z," Erin said quickly.

"Yeah, you two will work it out. Easy-peasy," Shaunee said.

I looked from the twins to Damien to Jack, and finally at Aphrodite.

"Sucks," she said, "At least for you." Aphrodite raised her brows and shrugged, "Makes me glad he dumped me." Then she tossed back her hair and headed toward the food that was set out in the other room.

"If we can't call her a hag from hell, can we call her a bitch?" Shaunee asked.

"Hateful bitch would be my choice, Twin," Erin said.

"Well, she's wrong," Damien said stubbornly, "Erik's still your boyfriend, even if he's off doing vamp stuff."

They were all staring at me, so I tried to smile at them.

"Yeah, I know. It's okay. It's just – just a lot to take in, that's all. Let's get something to eat." Before they could do any more comforting, I strode off toward the food with them trailing after me like baby ducks.

It seemed like it took forever for the Dark Daughters and Sons to eat and then clear out, but when I looked at the clock I realized that they had actually eaten quickly and were leaving early. There had been a lot of excited talk about Erik, and I'd nodded and made noises in semi-appropriate response, trying to hide how numb and wrong I felt. I suppose everyone taking off early was proof of what a crappy job I did of it. Finally I realized the only kids left were Jack and Damien and the twins. They were quietly throwing away the left-overs and bagging up the trash.

"Uh, guys, I'll get that," I said.

"We're just about done, Z," Damien said, "Really all that's left is to put away the stuff on Nyx's table in the middle of the circle."

"I'll do that," I said, trying (unsuccessfully by the looks on their faces) to be nonchalant.

"Z, is everything-"

I held up my hand to cut off Damien, "I'm tired. I'm kinda freaked about Erik. And, honestly, I need some alone time." I hadn't wanted to sound so totally bitchy, but I was getting beyond the point where I could keep the happy look plastered on my face and continue pretending that I wasn't shaking all over inside. And I absolutely would rather have my friends think I was PMS-ing than that I was ready to totally fall apart. High priestesses in training didn't fall apart. They handled things. I really really _really _didn't want them to know that I was _so not handling things_.

"Guys, could you just give me awhile. Please?"

"No problem," The twins said together, "Later, Z."

"All right. I'll, uh, see you later, too," Damien said.

"Bye, Z," Jack said.

I waited till the door closed behind them before I walked slowly into the side room that was used as a dance studio and yoga room. It had a bunch of soft mats stacked in the corner and I sank down on them. My hands were shaking when I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket in my dress.

_Are U ok?_

I keyed in the short text message and then sent it to the disposable cell phone I'd bought Stevie Rae. It felt like an eternity before she answered.

_Im ok_

_Hang on _I replied.

_Hurry _She texted back.

_Will do_

I closed my phone, leaned against the wall, and, feeling like the whole world was pressing down on my shoulders, I burst into sobbing, snotty tears.

I cried and shook and shook and cried while I hugged my legs hard to my chest and rocked back and forth. I knew what was wrong with me. It surprised me that no-one else, not one of my friends, figured it out.

I'd thought Erik was dying, and it had brought back the night Stevie Rae had died in my arms. It was as if it was happening all over again – the blood, the sadness, the horror. It had completely blind sided me. I mean, I'd thought I was over what had happened to Stevie Rae. After all, she wasn't really dead.

I'd just been fooling myself.

I'd been bawling so hard that I didn't know he was there until he touched my shoulder. I looked up, wiping tears from my eyes, trying to think of something reassuring to say to whatever friend had come back for me.

"I could feel that you needed me," Loren said.

I looked up, unsure of what I was hearing and now, seeing. But yes, Loren Blake was standing right in front of me. His face was full of compassion and love, but why me? Didn't I have enough crap in my life and now Loren had to go and make it worse by making _me _fall for _him_. I already loved Erik, why wasn't he enough?

"When Erik changed, you thought he was dying, didn't you?" Loren spoke softly, and for a brief second I couldn't believe that I had doubted his love for me. Then I looked into his eyes.

Loren's beautiful, warm brown eyes.

"Come here, love." Loren held out his arms for me to crawl into. But I didn't. This was his fault, all his fault. If he hadn't have made me love him then I wouldn't be so upset about Erik maybe dying. I knew that he might have come back like Stevie Rae.

Oh, how I wish Stevie Rae was here right now. Here to comfort me and tell me it would all be okay and that she was here for me.

I stood up, tears falling down my face like a waterfall. I pushed Loren hard in the chest, causing him to stumble backwards while broken sobs choked out of my mouth.

"It's your fault." I started by whispering, but just kept repeating it again and again, louder and louder.

"Love, what's the matter?" I gasped as I saw the truth on his face. And my thought was proved right when Neferet came into the hall, her eyes narrowed.

"What is with all the noise, I told you to be quiet!" Neferet hissed, staring at Loren accusingly and then blinking confused when she saw me fuming at them both.

It had all been lies.

I could see the adoration in Loren's eyes as he looked at Neferet, and then thinking back to when he looked at me, when I was convinced him loved me, it was all lies.

I just had been kidding myself. Loren had never loved me, it was obvious by the way he leered at Neferet.

"You lied! This was all mistakes and lies, you never loved me!" I choked out, gasps escaping from my mouth every few seconds just before I ran of the rec hall. Leaving my love for Loren; behind with him.

By the time I had reached the old oak, I was breathing heavily after how fast I had been running. I didn't know who's arms I fell into at the time, but they were strong and loving.

_Those _arms were loving.

As soon as I recognized the arms of the beautiful vampire, I lifted my head up and kissed him with all I had.

I needed him to make me forget. Forget all that had happened. _Loren, Stevie Rae, Heath_. I _knew _this man loved me. It was so obvious, I didn't see how I couldn't have noticed it before.

"I love you!" I sobbed, hugging him tighter and tighter against me. I didn't care that I would have hell when he found out about me and Loren. I didn't care that he would be moving away soon enough. I didn't care that he hadn't said I love you, back. All I cared about was him.

He was everything to me now, and always would be.

"I love you more." Erik rested his cheek against my head, and stroked my hair comfortingly. I breathed out the breath I hadn't realised I had been holding when he replied.

Tighter, I held him. Tighter and tighter. I never wanted to let him go...but I had to.

"Goodbye." I whispered heart-brokenly, a fresh set of tears leaking down my wet cheeks. I couldn't stay with him now, I didn't deserve him. I had cheated on him and...it was all lies.

Leaving now would be better. He wouldn't have to find out what had happened, it would kill him. Erik just assumed that I meant him leaving to join the other vampires. I let him think that.

We held each other all through the night. Neither of us loosening our grip, just holding each other.

_**I know the very big first part was mostly from the end of Chosen but I didn't to remind everyone about what happened before I started writing my part.**_

_**Even though this story is a Zoey/Erik, and it will be mostly, it's also about what happens when Stark arrives and does Loren still die, etc. etc.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed my first chapter :) **_

_**I liked it but only because I was listening to music, and that makes all stories good for me (when I listen to music)**_

_**Review and I'll love you forever and ever? :) x**_


	2. TMFWIA2 7 Missed Calls And A Voicemail

Disclaimer; I am very very very sad to say this but Lidee does not own the House of Night series. _The Cast's_.

_I believe in memories  
They look so, so pretty when I sleep  
Hey now, and when I wake up  
You look so pretty sleeping next to me  
But there is not enough time_

**-Better Together, Jack Johnson**

**Take Me For Who I Am - Chapter 2**

_**Erik's POV**_

_So beautiful_.

I sighed before gently easing off Zoey's bed and standing up. Raking a hand through my hair, I sighed again. How did I deserve someone like Z? I knew the answer to that; I didn't.

"Errikkk..." Zoey murmured in her sleep, hugging the pillow to her chest as tears flowed down her face. Seeing her cry broke my heart, so I was about to wake her up, wipe her tears away and comfort her when she said something else.

"Loren!" She gasped and froze, barely breathing. _Loren_? What had that pompous butt done to Zoey now?

Fuming angrily, I stormed out of Zoey's room and towards the poet's loft. Whatever Blake had done to her, he was going to pay for it. _Hell_, he was going to pay for it!

My feet made dents in the floorboards as I ran through the corridors, my face red I'm sure.

I knew that Blake might have not even done anything to her, but the pain which was easily shown on my Z's face; it made me want to cry for how much it hurt her!

"Erik!" Becca squeaked, when I accidentally pushed her aside in my mission to find, and probably _kill_,Blake.

"I'm sorry, Becca!" I apologized, smiling politely and walking away swiftly, only to have her follow after me like a little puppy.

"It's _sooo _okay Erik!" Becca drooled, resting her hand on my forearm. I rolled my eyes. _This _was one of the reasons why I liked Zoey so much; she didn't act all girly and stupid like _a lot _of girls did towards me.

While I was thinking about how peaceful Z looked while asleep, before she said Loren, I hadn't realised that Becca had been droning on at me about something or other.

"So, what do you think?" She asked me, fluttering her eyelashes unnaturally and making me lean back on instinct.

"Urm, about what?" I replied, wanting so much to just push her into the wall and make a run for it.

"Wanna go out some time?" Becca was sending me flirtatious glares now and it was _really _getting on my nerves.

"No, I would _not_ like to go out with you because you should know by now that I'm dating Zoey." I meant for it to come out nicely but everything was just getting too much and it came out so harsh that she took several steps back.

"Jeesh! I knew you _were _dating her but I thought you would dump her soon enough seeing as there is _obviously _something going on between her and Loren Blake!" And then with a flick of her hair, she stomped off to another group of girls who had been gawking at us throughout our whole conversation.

That was it! _That _set me off.

"You little _slag_!" I hissed, as I sprinted towards Becca and pinned her against the wall, "Why the _hell _would you say something like that? Do you _want _to live?"

I was getting louder with each word, and I _knew_ I was overreacting but there was something about Blake. ARGHH! HE WAS SO _SLIMY _AND _OBVIOUS_!

"Erik!" Becca cried, feebly hitting my chest and tears running freely down her face. I saw all of her friends back away slowly, looking terrified like I was going to lash out at them as well, "Your hurting me!"

It was only when I saw my reflection in a glass door, that I stopped banging Becca against the hard surface behind her.

I looked like a monster.

How did someone as stupid and insignificant as Blake turn me into something like that?

My eyes were pure red and sweat was pouring down the sides of my face, where my new tattoo's were shown. The man shown in the glass was half-crazed. Mad.

"What has he done to me?" I whispered to myself, loosening my grasp on Becca so she could slip away- screaming, might I add.

I never thought I would see the day that _Becca_- yes, Becca who has had a crush on mine ever since she arrived at the House of Night, would run away from _me_, screaming.

As I moved closer towards the poet's loft, I heard, with my new and improved super-cool hearing abilities which I got when I turned vampyre, a faint scream.

Walking quicker, I hurried towards where the scream came from, in case a fledgling with in trouble and needed my help. So when I _did _see where the scream came from- I froze.

_Hell_, I froze!

_**Zoey's POV**_

"Urgh!" I moaned and rolled over, expecting to bang into Erik but he wasn't there so, evidently, rolling off the bed.

"Crap!" I mumbled, struggling to get back up and see if I could find Erik. He wasn't there. Huh. That was weird.

I was about to go and have a shower, when I moved back and fourth suddenly. Hell! I was vibrating like a phone on vibrate with seven missed calls and a voicemail!

Oh.

I _did _have seven missed calls and a voicemail.

Gasping, I scrolled through the missed calls on my phone to find that they were all from Erik and the voicemail was from Loren.

ARGHH! EVEN HIS _NAME _ANNOYED THE HECK OUT OF ME! I still could notbelieve that I fell for him!

"Crap." I repeated, listening to the voicemail and shrugging my jacket on at the same time. When Loren said the final words though, I froze sudddenly.

_Hell_!

I repeated the message in my head to try and make sense of Loren Blake's husky voice, Neferet's evil sneer and...

(_Loren- Italics, _Neferet- Plain, **Erik- Bold**) (Some words may be emphazied in plain or italics)

_Hello my beautiful lover,_

_I apologize dearly for what happened after the ritual. You know i would never pressure you into going to bed with me and whatever your thinking is lies._

_I love you and only you, so whatever your thinking- just forget it._

_Meet me by the oak tree as soon as you wake up. I'll be wai..._Just tell her the damn truth!

_As you wish my queen._

_You are gullible child. Cold-hearted and gullible. You really think i would fall for someone as low and juvenille as _you_? No. My one and only is with me right here and now._

_Also, you might want to know that your _real _lover is here too. Erik, was it? It's a shame you let him leave you so quickly, otherwise he just _might _have been able to protect you._

**Zoey! Can you hear me, Z? Run! Just run, quickly! Run away from here!**

_Be quiet _child_. You may have changed but that doesn't make you anymore superior than the rest of us._

Hurry _up_, Loren!

_Yes my lady. _

_Now, listen closely Zoey; I'm going to give you a list of instructions which you must follow _exactly_._

_Firstly, go to your friends. Hurt them- _break up_ with them or else._

_Next, you'll come with me and announce to the school that you are a slut and that you have been following me around and moldested me._

_After that, you will come to my room in the poet's loft where Neferet will be keeping Erik captive and...(_Loren's voice lowers to a whipser and he walks out the room_) You will convince _Erik_ that you wanted me but I didn't allow it and he will believe you. Just bring the earrings I got you._

Which, for the record, he didn't actually buy- they were mine and I want them back!

_Your probably wondering why you would do all this. _

_Well, you do it- or he dies._

And then Erik screamed.

_**Um...SHORT? Sooorrryyy(: **_

_**I would make it longer but I don't really have a solid storyline and if I started writing the next bit, it would completly ruin this chapter tbh. I WILL try and make the next chapters longer but I REALLY couldn't add anymore to this one.**_

_**Review pleaseee? :D**_

_**Love yous xxx**_


	3. The Line

Okay, I am going to start writing again soon so this is like a line in the middle of the story to signify the massive gap and to show that if my writing starts changing, this'll be when it happens.

Love you guysssss!xxxxx


	4. TMFWIA3 Disgusted With Myself

Disclaimer; I am very very very sad to say this but Lidee does not own the House of Night series. _The Cast's_.

_I guess it's safe to say  
We both could use this fire escape  
Cause I've been breathing ashes in  
And I've been waiting for something to carry you away_

**-Brooklyn, Wakey!Wakey!**

**Take Me For Who I Am - Chapter 3**

_**Zoey's POV**_

_Deep breaths_, I told myself, _it will be over soon and then I will explain what happened._

"Z!" Erin called, smiling and gesturing to me to come over to her, Shaunee and Damien.

"Er, hey guys?" I greeted them awkwardly and didn't sit down, only knowing that it would make it harder for me to leave.

"What's the matter, Z?" Damien questioned, concerned.

Everybody looked at me with worry and love.

I couldn't do this.

_You have to do this or Erik dies._

I closed my eyes and said everything that needed to be said in a rush.

"I came onto Prof. Blake and he told me no but I carried on pursuing him. I cheated on Erik and I used him to make me seem popular and I used you guys just because I could. In all honestly, I don't like you people. You're below me and I wish I had never had to pretend to be friends with you just so I could fit in. But it doesn't matter now because I am more powerful than any of you and when I'm high priestess, you'll all be sorry. In fact, I hope that none of you live to see me as high priestess. I hope that you all reject the change and die like Stevie-Rae."

Silence.

"Y-you don't mean that, Zoey.." Damien stuttered, tears forming in his eyes.

I prepared myself for what I was about to do.

"You don't know me. You're just a fag and your parents are right to be disappointed in you."

Before anybody could react, I walked away and the tears which had been building up finally spilt over. I don't know how I managed to keep myself from crying while saying all those lies. Every word was a lie.

I talked to the school about Loren completely unattached and emotionless. I didn't look at anybody in the eye but I could still tell that they were all disgusted with me.

Didn't blame them; I was disgusted with myself.

"You know what's next, don't you?" Loren whispered in my ear, chuckling darkly, "You got the earrings? You better, otherwise you know what's going to happen."

I gritted my teeth together and began to walk in the direction of the poet's loft. I didn't have a plan; I didn't know what I was going to do. But the one thing I did know was that I would not let Erik go. The world seemed to be telling me that it was time to let him go, but I wouldn't. We belonged together no matter what anybody said.

"I love you, Erik Night." I murmured into the wind, willing it to carry my voice to him. I meant every word of _that_.

_**Erik's POV**_

"You're such a good kisser." Neferet giggled, basically molesting me while I was tied to a chair with my hands also tied behind it.

"Get the hell off me! I love Zoey, I will always love Zoey." I stated, speaking the truth. Nothing could sway me from it.

"We'll see about that," Neferet laughed, finally climbing off of my lap and pacing around the room, "There's no way he will love her after this." She spoke in a quieter voice but I could still hear her.

"I will always love you, Zoey Redbird." Willing the wind to carry my voice to her. I felt in my heart that it would.

_**Okay, this is major short but OMG GUYS. I UPDATED? Wtf, right? I mean, I never update...BUT I HAVE. I am so proud of myself and I hope you guys are too. Hope you liked the very short chapter and I love you guys lots and lots!xxxx**_


	5. Please Read

I know I do (used to) do this a lot, but I reaaaaally haven't updated in ages so I was just wondering if people wanted me to carry on this story? I've posted this on every one of my not completed fanfics, but I thought since it's summer I might start writing again, only if people are interested though.

Please let me know, thank you!xxx


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